We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
