I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
