God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
