True but thats because hes a fetus.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
