She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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