He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
