this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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