that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
