that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize