You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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