you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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