I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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