i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I want a musical about memes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
