party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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