I cannot find my penis.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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