just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
