Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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