We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
