No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
