Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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