I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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