Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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