Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
