It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
