wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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