I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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