Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
