guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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