Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
