Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
