...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
