so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize