If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
