my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
