Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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