The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
