turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
