Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize