You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
