I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
