i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
