i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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