obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
