if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So many bounce houses so little time
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
