I cut my penus on the lid.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
