dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
