guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
