tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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