she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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