Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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