I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
