I can tuck mytits in my pants
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
