3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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