I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
