Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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