i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm at about main and main street
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize