And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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