yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
