I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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