nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize