Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Panties = found
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
