Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
