On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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