Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
