i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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