Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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