i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
