also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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