Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
