all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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