my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
