This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
