This is not my ceiling
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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